i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
where am i from again
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
