sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
