so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
