Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
