im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize