i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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