New invention idea: vibrating tampons
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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