i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
