We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Someone came in the potted fern
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
