He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
