I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I have aggressive nipples.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
