just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
