i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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