please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
