Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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