This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
