dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
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We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
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We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
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