You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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