saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
