I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
i've created a new STD.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
