its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
