dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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