Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
