Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
