You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
