Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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