I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
