i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
