does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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