Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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