i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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