i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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