I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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