oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
