I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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