Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
