the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Randomize
