a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
