I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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