The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
