But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
