I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
