Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
