wrigley field is MILF paradise
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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