well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
