she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize