So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
