Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
