Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He? As in you personified your dick?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I need a beard to bite.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
