I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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