I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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