woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
