My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
