In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize