Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
