I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
