he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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