It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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