hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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