We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
