Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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