You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
