So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
It's just like the Real World with babies
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
