no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
