laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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