how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
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Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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