I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
