Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
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why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
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You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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