and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
