it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
