I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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