Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
