I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
