i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
