Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
The air was thick with penises
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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