she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
