how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I'm really busy with my period
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