I just made out with a guy for $7.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
