My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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