I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize